Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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