I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
