Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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