At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Randomize
