my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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