that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
