I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
