It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
Randomize
