Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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