so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
