I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Randomize
