Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
