I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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