Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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