Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Randomize
