I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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