Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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