Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Every concussion has its silver lining
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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