Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
