I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Randomize
