I want to have your abortion
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
