is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
