Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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