I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
My cat gives me a boner
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
