But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
