Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Randomize
