we made out on top of his cat.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
