I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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