I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
