i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
