i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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