Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
