I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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