I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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