i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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