Your face is a jimmy john
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
