you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
