I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
