k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
