There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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