Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
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