shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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