I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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