Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
