Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I believe in your delicious
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Randomize
