I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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