I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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