Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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