mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
