I am spending my child support on dildos
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
