Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wish i was in the wii world.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
