After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
